“They Don’t Act Like That When You’re Not Here”
Do you get hit with the “They don’t act like that when you’re not here” after you get home, and you have two kids screaming and crying over everything.
You go run errands for a couple of hours and as soon as you walk through the door you’re greeted with screams and cries and for some reason everyone fighting. Your husband looks at you and says they don’t act like that when you’re not here. They didn’t cry the whole time you were gone.
But when he’s gone or you’re both home together, somedays that seems like all they do.
Do you really believe that they all get along and play together, no crying for hours on end just because you’re not in their presence?
He doesn’t act like that when you’re not here..
My fiancé took my son to a dentist appointment one day, he took my 2-year-old with him to give me a little bit of quiet time in the house. I asked him how it went when he got home, and he said great!
He played with the toys that were there the whole time. He tried to talk and play with another kiddo that was there. He told me he didn’t have any problems or meltdowns whatsoever.
I just looked at him in shock. When I take them places where there is prolonged waiting it’s like a circus. There is no sitting and playing. It’s like 2 monkeys climbing on everything, running around like mad men, me constantly on the lookout for open doors because once one opens, he’s right to it.
My daughter had a dentist appointment, my fiancé had to work so little one was coming along. I wasn’t looking forward to the constant running around taming the wild animal that he becomes.
My fiancé told me you should be okay; he listened really well when I had him there. I’m like okay we’ll see how this goes.
Just as I expected, the caged animal was set free in the wild. Climbing, running, pushing chairs to reach things he wanted, trying to lick the windows, meowing like a cat the whole time, the door opened he ran out. My daughter looks at me and goes ” Mom, I thought Dad said he was good at the dentist!”
HA!
They Don’t Act Like That When You’re Not Here and this is the reason why.
I’m sure every mom has heard that at some point from someone. How their children are great, they listen, and they don’t cry at all when you’re not around them.
You think you must be doing something wrong. Am I too hard on them? Do other people let them do whatever they want? What are they doing differently then me?
But the thing is, you’re doing everything right. You are their safe space!
You are their comfort. The person they trust and love with everything they have. Whether it comes out in tears or tantrums.
They know that when moms around they are safe.
Don’t look at them letting it all out on you as you’re doing things wrong.
You are doing exactly what you’re meant to do.
The reason why they’re not like that when you’re not here is because you are their safe space.
You are the problem solver. You make everything better, because you are their momma.
You are the first person they come to when they’re upset, mad, frustrated and just want some love.
If mom can’t help them then no one can.
Moms have that special touch. The feeling of nothing is going to happen to me because I have my mom.
Sitting in your car when you get home, knowing you’re going to be hit with a roller coaster of emotions is hard. But when you enter your house, and are hit with a crying toddler, instead of wondering why, think to yourself how grateful you are that your kids feel safe as soon as they set eyes on you.
The next time you’re feeling like you just want to scream because your toddler has been crying all day, clinging to you from the time he woke up, tantrum after tantrum, remember that you are allowing them to open up on you, you are allowing them to take all their frustration and give it to you knowing you will take care of it.
While it gets overwhelming, taking on their emotions all day, trying to not let your frustration match theirs, let yourself know that if you allow them to let it all out on you now, they will hopefully let it all out on you when they get older.
Let them cry. Let them scream. Let them cling. Let them fight.
It means they feel safe and loved and they are comfortable.
You are their safe space momma!
Is it a safe space, or do the kids know they can get extra things by behaving that way? Mom will give them everything they want if they scream and cry just to get them to stop. I know parents are supposed to love and care for their child, but aren’t they also supposed to prepare them for the real world, which can be brutal?
Depending on what it is that they want. I can only speak for myself as a mom but I don’t give them whatever they want just for screaming and crying. I divert their attention to something else or sometimes they just need to take a second to themselves and cry it out. They could just be having an emotional day and they can’t tell you why, but just like adults they have emotions and feelings. Not saying there aren’t moms that do give in but as a SAHM and being with them the majority of the time, I’m their go to person for whatever they’re feeling. Preparing them for the real world by doing what? Telling them their feelings aren’t valid…we’re all about the world not being rainbows and sunshine’s but saying that moms give them whatever they want just to basically get them to stop is very reaching. It’s not always about them screaming and throwing tantrums because they want something, it’s much more than that.
Thank you for the input though!
I think the novelty of going somewhere with Dad means they’re better behaved.yry not to take it personally, rather… get him to take them to more appointments!
Though I don’t have children yet I really enjoyed reading through your life of precious moments spent with your kids
Thank you!
An important thing to remember. But, also, start giving them strategies to cope and calm down. That will help your child begin to be able to self regulate.